A couple posts back, I emphasized the importance of frequent hospice social worker visits for the sake of connecting. Today, we emphasize how to develop and maintain that connection.
What are they thanking us for?
Patients and family members surprise me again and again with heartfelt expressions of gratitude for all I’ve done, even when I don’t feel as if I’ve done much.
What did I do? I assessed. And I showed up. And I helped with funeral arrangements.
There are cases when we get the opportunity to accomplish a great deal of tangible feats. I helped one family get a monthly $1500 from Social Security, coupons for really cheap meds and an expenses-paid trip to a beach. That was fun. And they thanked me. But not more than some of the families I could only give the immeasurable to.
I listened.
The magical rapport recipe for the hospice social worker
In 2006, after playing around lightly for a few years with Neuro-Linguistic Programming, I asked the martial arts teacher who first introduced NLP to me for advice on establishing rapport. His response:
Listen. Listen, listen, listen.
Consider how special it can be to just be there to pay attention to someone. How often do people show up just to BE WITH someone else. Even our most significant others sometimes never receive our undivided attention. Even first dates, when it would be great to pay lots of attention to the person you’re with, are events of mixed attention. We pay enough attention to the person across the table to maybe evaluate or even get excited, but there’s also a whole bunch of internal noise. Maybe we’re self-conscious. Maybe we’re thinking about how to get away. Or about how much the date could cost. Or how much the potentially developing relationship could cost. Maybe we’re focusing on an image we want to project… or just talking a lot.
How to become a good listener, self-aware but not self-centered
Real listening doesn’t come naturally to humans without some disciplined intention and practice. It’s a matter of being mindfully aware of yourself without actively paying attention to yourself: your attention goes on your client. Daily meditation, even for short periods of time, can help you develop this mindfulness. When we’re aware of ourselves, but not intensely focused on ourselves, we can monitor where our attention goes.
We can do this because we are intent on making visits about our patients and families, and not about us. We can listen. It’s not rocket surgery. But it’s truly valuable.
In fact, It’s the most important thing for a hospice social worker to include in any patient’s care plan.
Agree? Disagree? Like it?
If you think social workers should be as good at listening as doctors are at prescribing meds, let’s make that happen. Feel free to comment. Or share this article. For new hospice social work insights Sunday afternoon in your email inbox, enter your email below.