People who work with grief know the value of being present. Holding space. The ministry of presence. Just listening…
The value of presence can be partially explained in rational terms. People feel supported when a supportive person is there. And it’s validating to have a person acknowledge your response to hardship as valid. People who quietly listen make people feel heard.
The biggest challenge to being truly present is when we are distracted from the moment by our internal dialogues, fears and agendas. Click here and here for some approaches to overcoming these.
Getting there: a prerequisite to being there
The next major obstacle to being there is if you are not physically there. It’s simple but not always easy. Some social workers are very hesitant to have much exposure to the emotions that our patients and their family members struggle with. They keep frequencies low and stay out family conflict. They prefer not to attend deaths or maintain on-call availability to respond to crises.
This is understandable because death and crisis cause emotional distress to anyone around. It is also unfortunate. Our job is to apply interventions as indicated by need: when they really need our help, we really need to be there.
Getting there is a key component of the hospice social worker mindset. Getting there is the first step towards being there, and it is often the first significant step toward solving problems. When family members are stressing each other out, meeting with the family will strengthen whatever your message is more than a phone call. When community resource organizations delay in responding or give “the run-around,” you will get better results by jumping in the car and getting politely in their faces.
The more willing you are to drive, the more you’ll you’ll get to know your patients and their needs, the more you’ll accomplish for them, and the more you’ll be there when they really need you.
Do you agree?
My writing comes from a place of wanting to support hospice social workers and their patients. All of what I’m sharing has worked for me. Most of it I’ve seen work well for other social workers. Some of it might not work for you. We’re different, and our patients are different. Please share your reaction to this article in the comments section.
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