I wanted a calm and confident Friday. Work had been overwhelming lately, and I wanted to have one Zen day, feeling centered, breathing deeply, enjoying my interactions. I wanted to start the day in the right frame of mind.
It proved difficult. I woke up late, having forgotten to set the alarm. The only clean clothes left in my closet didn’t match well, and the conflicting colors were making me feel awkward. I took my daughter to IHOP, as I usually do on Fridays, and we had a nice time. I dropped her off and swung by Target to buy a $10 collared tee-shirt to fix my outfit. When it was time to pay, I realized I had left my debit card at IHOP.
Not enough centering time
I try to start my day with some breathing and reflecting, but I was almost out of time after my first mishap. I was able to find a place to sit for a couple minutes before making heading to the first visit. I wanted a productive day. Recent crises had prevented me from getting my routine work done. I arrived at a nursing home at 9 and made two visits. Not a bad start… I headed to my next visit in the rural outskirts of Austin, managing some issues on the phone on the way. So far so good… After my visit, I get a cup of coffee and manage to spill it all over my lap. GRRR!!!
Driving home to change pants I’m losing my mind. I won’t accomplish all I want to, will I? Why does my jaw ache? Why do the emergencies keep coming in? When will things calm down? Why am I losing my keys, forgetting my debit card, spilling coffee and running out of time?
And the baby melts my heart…
I call my wife to let her know I’ll be back in a minute. She empathizes as I vent my frustration. I arrive home and my toddling 2-year-old jumps into my arms. She follows me as I get ready. “Dada work?” she asks. “Yes, baby,” I respond. “No!!!” she shouts.
Her lovable expression of needing Dada warms my heart. I feel better. I head to a hospital where a patient’s son asks what to expect through the grieving process. His devotion to wellness and his gratitude warm my heart. We reflected on what a good man his father is.
…and so do my patients
The next patient I saw spoke to me for the first time in the 5 months I had been visting her! She smiled a lovely, toothless smile. She said she was well. She didn’t know what was going on, but she was well.
I went home and made it through the evening. Fell asleep at 8 and woke up at 4:30 the next morning. It was Saturday. I went to a cafe and wrote a little. I paused, breathed, and wrote some more. I went outside and stretched. Got back into writing and started feeling good. I reached out to some old friends on Facebook. We didn’t have any deep conversations but caught up with each other.
I did some taichi and meditated in the park. I hadn’t done that in a little while. And then I went home and made breakfast with my wife, feeling good for the first time in a long time.
Love and freedom… freedom and love
Things turned around, but how? My intention to feel better probably had an effect. Taichi helped. And when I woke up that morning and wanted to go write, I did. I didn’t guilt myself into returning to sleep, though a voice was telling me to. My alone time turned out to feel amazing!
Loving appreciation also made me feel better. My daughter’s glee at seeing me and her sweet plea that I stay. The client’s appreciation for what I could offer him. My smiling and talkative patient. These were their behaviors, and I didn’t create them, but I was receptive to their expressions of appreciation. Thanks to that, I experienced some healing the second half of that challenging day.
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