It’s no mystery that supportive colleagues and supervisors make life less stressful than vindictive colleagues and supervisor do. There is research that supports this, but this truth is self-evident. Bosses and workmates who have you’re back are a blessing.
Some hospice teams are naturally supportive, and some are naturally horrible. The steps you take to promote supportive relationships are the same in both. In a naturally supportive environment, you can cultivate especially supportive relationships. In caustic environments, you can generate some mutually kind relationships that will reduce the effects that the climate’s toxicity will have on you.
Here are some specific ideas that will help you create the most supportive office experience you can:
1. Be generously supportive.
You can’t control how other people behave, but your treatment of others will usually encourage them to treat you the same. Be reliable, consistently accomplishing what you say you will. Be willing to help when you can. Express appreciation for your colleagues.
Voice appreciation for your colleagues often. Express it openly sometimes, so they can enjoy receiving praise in front of the team. Also express appreciation privately, as this will feel especially sincere and trustworthy. Make your colleagues feel great about working with you by encouraging them to feel great about themselves.
2. Leave them wanting more.
Too much of a good thing can become a bore. As much as they may love your expressions of appreciation and team spirit, hospice workers get busy. Most hospice workers occasionally find themselves hating their ringtones because some days every call represents another thing they have to deal with when they are already dealing with enough.
So avoid blowing up your colleagues’ phones when you can. When needs aren’t urgent, send emails. Don’t blow up phones or email inboxes with appreciation or praise lest it comes across as “trying too hard.” Instead, express sincere appreciation when the moment naturally prompts it. When a family member tells you a team member has been fantastic, announce it to the team and state your agreement. When a colleague has helped you accomplish something, express gratitude and praise at a time that feels natural.
But give your colleagues space instead of crowding. If patient needs don’t require you to communicate with a colleague more than once a week, then a warm weekly interaction is enough.
3. Keep your uniqueness to yourself at first.
I’ve been accepted into groups whose predominant values are vastly different from mine. I am probably the only member of my National Guard unit who votes liberal, but my relationships with my fellow Guard members are warm and strong. I know for a fact that all of them–even the most passionate Trump supporter–have my back. This because I didn’t lead with the differences when I entered this group: I led with our similarities and my strengths. I demonstrated that I’m good at my job and emphasized the values we have in common as Soldiers, such as team loyalty, diligence and motivation.
First, let your colleagues get to know you as competent and normal. If you’re a Buddhist working in the Bible belt, it’s better not to get into a heart-to-heart discussion about religion before a loyal relationship is established. Later, when your team knows you as an indispensable asset, you can get away with telling them you’re a weekend nudist who believes her birth parents were from Mars.
4. Present yourself as calm and contained.
Reliable, calm, friendly, capable, professional, dedicated. That’s all you want them saying about you at first. And they can know you’re caring, as long as it’s confident and professional caring that accepts whatever outcomes emerge. When you get emotionally involved in outcomes, like whether a patient who isn’t showing decline is allowed to stay on service, this kind of caring is good to contain.
I center myself every morning in a coffee shop before seeing patients or going into the office. My goal is to actually be calm and confident, but this work will throw you sometimes. You’ll lose your inner cool on occasion. But even when you’re freaking out on the inside, you can breathe and smile as you finish up your business. Let it all out in your car when you are a block away. Or in your therapist’s office. Or with drinking buddies. I’ve not had great results venting about work with my wife because once I start I tend to go on for a while.
5. Take care of yourself.
Supportive colleagues help reducing your stress, and managing your stress is good for work relationships. Even when you keep your stress contained when around colleagues or patients, they’ll know when you’re stressed. They’ll likely talk about it when you aren’t around. Still demonstrate self-control by containing your stress around while engaging in work interactions, but of course, it is better to feel good.
I feel comfortable letting my supervisor know when I’m feeling stressed, but I’ll tell him deliberately instead of letting him observe any kind of off-centered behavior. If I have patient-related business I need to address with him but I’m feeling like I need to explode, I’ll take some breaths before knocking on his door. Or I’ll take a walk around the block. Or I’ll turn off my phone for a few minutes, have a cup of tea and journal out my frustration.
Appreciate your colleagues and manage yourself.
Does it feel unfortunate that of my five recommendations, four emphasize the importance of hiding your vulnerability or individuality? Familiarity doesn’t always breed contempt and absence doesn’t always make the heart grow fonder, but in hospice, no news is good news. Interpersonal tensions don’t arise in hospice due to lack of interaction. They often as they arise due to interactions that are awkward, misunderstood or uncomfortable. The fewer interactions you have with colleagues, the fewer problematic interactions you are likely to have with them.
This isn’t to say that the key to supportive work relationships is to stay away from your colleagues. Instead, build supportive relationships by showing support without adding to your colleagues’ mental loads or giving them excuses to wonder about whether you can handle the stresses of your position.
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